Prehistoric Christmas

Thai people really really like Christmas. Bangkok is more decked out for Christmas than any other city I've ever seen. They really go nuts.  I found this perplexing because the vast majority of Thai people(over 90%) are Buddhist.

I finally got around to asking one of my Thai friends about it and he said that the Thai people love ANY kind of celebration, holiday, or festival. Which makes sense because every single week is a new festival, and half the time I can't tell what the difference is between festivals. For example, there has been a "Thailand Vegetarian festival", an "National Vegetarian Festival", and an "Asian Vegetarian Festival" which all looked exactly the same with different names. Not that I am complaining! I love this aspect of Thai culture. Well, life is rough, lets party every chance we get!!! It reminds me of the Irish humor in the face of great struggle.

I had my kids draw Christmas pictures, and some of them were very creative.  So, without further ado, I wish you Happy Holidays, and leave you with this:

In Prehistoric times, Santa delivered presents via Pterodactyl pulled sleigh.

Also, Michael Jackson wants you to have a Merry Christmas.

Just another Thursday morning

"Take an eel,

make a loop,

use him as a hula hoop,

watch him twirl and twist and spin,

round your ankles past your chin.  

Tighter, tighter, tighter yet,

ain't an eel a lovely pet?" -- Shel Silverstein  (from memory so forgive any mistakes)

You never really know what will happen at my job on any given day.  

Take today for example, when I somehow found myself in the middle of the school courtyard, with the entire student body and faculty watching and cheering, as I hula hooped to Thai clubbing music.

Yes, as it turns out, I am the reigning hula hooping champion of the farang teachers, although Lauren beat me in the style department, she has got some moves.

Barbie would love this.

This just in: Guess what color my boss has informed us we will be wearing every day starting tomorrow. Guess. You'll never guess. Pink. Yes, that's right, starting tomorrow and continuing indefinitely, I will have to wear pink every day in support of the King's health. 

If you know me well, you know I have a strong dislike of this color.

Where on Earth am I going to find a week's supply of pink???  

I'll tell you where I won't find it, I won't find it in my closet.

Interesting Facts

In Thailand, if you write someone’s name in red, its considered bad luck.

Also, if a giant gecko jumps on your neck, you will not be able to get it off.  The only way to remove it is to ask a divorced woman to pull it off.  

Hablo Ingles.

The other day my Thai co-teacher and I sat in the office grading dictation.  She received a phone call.  She talked in Thai for a minute and jotted down a couple words, then hung up.  

She poked me in the shoulder and asked, “how do I pronounce this?”  She held up the paper and pointed to a word that looked like gibberish.

 “I don’t think that’s a word.” 

“Yes it is, its French, I just need to know how to pronounce it!”

 “Oh, I’m sorry,” I explained, trying to be helpful, “I don’t speak French, but Simone does, you should ask her.” 

“I don’t have time to ask Simone, I’m busy, can you just tell me how to say it???”  She asked, seeming angry. 

“Um, I’m really sorry, I don’t speak French and I don’t recognize the word,” I said, getting annoyed, “Would you like me to guess?” 

To this she rolled her eyes, whirled around, and stomped out of the room. 

I sat in stunned silence for a moment, before muttering to myself, “Did she just get mad at me for not being able to speak French???” 

The student teacher sitting next to me, having witnessed the exchange, erupted into giggle.  We both had a good laugh.

Weird.

War of the Roaches

My apartment has been colonized by roaches. Every night when I come home, I spend the first ten minutes kicking all of my furniture until my cohabitants scurry back into the cracks that they came from. 

They usually occupy the surface of every piece of furniture, including my bed.  (Please refrain from making any comments about what they do while I am sleeping, I work very hard to keep that thought from entering my mind.)

Tonight I came home and went through my usual kicking routine.  One particularly stubborn roach, however, did not want to leave my bed, despite my furious shaking of sheets and thumping of wood.  Finally, in exasperation, I shouted “Get off my bed!!!”  The little bugger promptly obliged by running straight for the crack between the headboard and the mattress.  The crack right  next to where I lay my head at night. 

I mumbled a defeated, “That’s not what I meant,” and then burst out laughing.

Erin 0

Roaches 1

You say potato, I say hot dog.

Every day, we all eat breakfast in the office.  I also happen to eat my lunch in there, as the "vegetarian" option in the cafeteria usually includes some sort of meat broth.  Instead, normally I eat some soup.  

The Thai teachers are confounded by our diet.  They especially hate the smell of soup, for some reason, and when they walk into the office during lunch they make faces and open all the windows and doors.  Mind you, their lunch menu often includes fish, scales, eyeballs, and all, the aroma not exactly pleasant.

Yesterday, as I was making my breakfast of toast and coffee, I looked over at Nummon, who was unwrapping her breakfast.  It was a hot dog, slathered with mayonnaise.  I tried to hide my horror and went about getting my breakfast.  

On my way to my desk I grabbed a bag of tangerines I had bought to share.

  

When I offered one to Nummon, still munching on her breakfast hot dog, she wrinkled her nose and said, "for breakfast???"

Keep in Touch with the Dutch

Tonight, I found myself sitting on the grounds of the Embassy of the Kingdom of the Netherlands, listening to American Big Band music, in Bangkok, Thailand.

The band was excellent.

We were asked to move out of our front row seats to make room for the Dutch Ambassador and the Governor of Kanchanaburi.  

A little girl in her school uniform who could not have been more than 13 years old sang a couple of the King's jazz compositions, including an amusing one called "Hungryman's Waltz".  The lyrics were something like, "if you were in this band, you would be hungry too, if you eat enough, we want to eat with you..."  She had an amazing voice.

There was also a fabulous Thai high school marching band that put most college marching bands I've seen to shame.  The Dutch Ambassador presented them with gifts, hats that said, "Keep in touch with the Dutch".  I wanted one sooo badly.

The Embassy grounds were beautiful and quite extensive, with sprawling grass lawns and oodles of foliage.  Lauren pointed out how neat it was to be sitting surrounded by grass and trees and see skyscrapers all around.  I imagine its similar to being in Central Park.  

Though I felt bad for the Dutch band members who were not used to the humidity, the weather was perfect for an outdoor concert.  

Not too shabby, Bangkok.

Clean Clothes Vegetarian

Standing in front of the washing machine where I do my laundry, I looked down a the cement floor and noticed what I thought was a crab claw.  I looked a little closer and realized, nope, not a claw, but the decapitated head of a chicken.  

No-tip Driver

Ask any Thai person about racism, and they will tell you that it does not exist in their country.  

Thusfar, I have had no less than three colleagues tell me, no, announce to me that they hate Muslims.  One woman saying, "I hate the way their eyes look behind their scarves,  like they are evil."

Today on our cab ride home, our Thai driver asked where we are from.  He then regaled us with tales of his family, one niece who owns a restaurant in L.A., and another who married an American man.  He said,  "The Americans who come to Thailand are very nice.  The Arabs are not nice.  The Arabs and the Africans, they just cause problems.  The Africans, the women come here just for sex, and the men they come for bad business.  Yes, the negros are bad, but the negros from Africa.  Not the negros from America.  They are good."

I probably shouldn't get into my opinion about the Thai government's treatment of the minority Muslim Karan refugees, fleeing massacre by the majority Buddhist Myanmar government, or even allude to a relationship with this treatment and fact that Thailand is 97% Buddhist.  Nope, not gonna touch that one with a ten foot pole.

If I get thrown into a jail cell for libel, please send Bill to come get me.

Mom and Erin Take on Thailand!

I was lucky enough to have a visit from my mama in Thailand.  It was so joyful having her here, and so interesting to see Thailand from a newcomers perspective.  Its funny how quickly we become accustomed to our surroundings!

The highlight of our adventures, as I think my mom would agree, was visiting Krabi and the surrounding islands.  The Krabi Province is South of Bangkok and has breathtaking scenery.  

We enjoyed strolling down the store-lined streets in perfect beach weather that felt just like home.  The streets were so quiet compared to Bangkok, the one exception being this truck with loudspeakers attached that drove back and forth down the main strip advertising Muay Thai fighting matches in a manner that would make anyone want to shove bananas into their ears.  We had fun picking out fruit at this beautiful fruit stand, one of many street vendors along the main road.

We took a boat tour around the islands of Koh Phi Phi and Maya Bay, where the movie "The Beach" was filmed.  

While I'm pretty sure I sustained permanent back injuries from the boat ride across the choppy waters of the Andaman Sea, we both had fun talking to our cutie pie Thai guide, Matt, and taking in the splendor.

We also visited Wat Pho(wat means temple), the Wat which is home to the "Giant Reclining Buddha".  I wasn't super excited about seeing a big sleeping deity, but I'm glad I went, it was an amazing sight.

I took my mom to Erawan falls and we stayed in a rafthouse on the river Kwai, I can't get enough of the falls.  I didn't go down the rock slide this time, but we did see some wild monkeys being, um, amorous.  

In Kanchanaburi, we were offered a "taxi" at the bus station and agreed, only to realize that it was a "man-powered" tuk-tuk.  We felt a little bad about this, but he was a great driver, and we got to drive through a parade route that would otherwise have been inaccessible.  We watched the parade of students from local schools dressed in traditional Thai apparel from prime seats!

It was sad to see my mom go back home, but I am so glad she came to visit!  

More on "Beauty"

My friend Ione brought up another interesting question related to Thai culture and beauty.  In regards to pale skin being valued, she asked what the Thais think about the American obsession with tanning.  

Our second month here, the American teachers took a weekend trip to Koh Samet, a beautiful little Island South of Bangkok.  We all came back to school with what we thought were gorgeous glowing tans(not deliberately, the sun is POWERFUL in Koh Samet).  I remember receiving many stares, and one teacher's comment in particular sticks out in my mind, "Oh, so sorry, at the beach you got so dark, so sorry."  I explained that we liked our tans, that it is considered very beautiful in America.  She looked at me as if I had grown another head.  She just couldn't believe that I would want to have darker skin.  

Also, I was at the store yesterday trying to find deodorant and I had trouble finding one that wasn't whitening.  Apparently, your armpits need to be pale also.  

Beauty?

Yesterday in class, we were reviewing comparative adjectives and my Thai counterpart used one of the students as an example.

"Kawnpawn is the fattest student in the class".  

This was met with smiles and giggles by the students.  Kawnpawn is a big boy.  

Often, the Thai teachers make comments about students like this, also saying things like, "oh, this is the stupid group, and thats the smart group," in front of the students.  The terms fat, lazy, and stupid are thrown around quite freely and nobody seems to mind.  It is just culturally accepted, and even those being described don't seem to care.

I thought about it and decided that if I said the same thing in an American classroom, I would probably get fired, if not severely reprimanded.  

Many questions come to mind.  Are the words lacking negative connotations here?  Are people just less sensitive about them?  Does Thailand have the same body image issues that we do in the US?  Does it affect Thai students' performance to be labeled as stupid or lazy?  

I do know that one of my American teacher friends has been told repeatedly by the Thai teachers and students that she would be prettier if she wasn't so fat,  so there must be some aspect of beauty being equated with thinness.  

If I look to the media to give me an understanding of the Thai idea of beauty, I notice three prevalent themes, light colored round eyes, pale skin, and of course, thin.  Almost all of the people in movies, television, commercials, and ads have these things in common. You can't walk five feet without seeing an add for whitening lotion.  In fact, its difficult to find lotion that isn't whitening.  Diet products are also very popular, and color contacts.  Bangkok is media crazy, there are giant billboards and televisions everywhere, and I mean everywhere.  Advertising is a big deal here, and its all broadcasting the same aesthetic stipulations.

Which brings me back to the beginning.  If the media bombards the public with this very specific image of beauty, why then, is it so acceptable to publicly label people as not fitting this image?  Are we just overly sensitive in the US?  Why not call an apple an apple?  An apple wouldn't be offended if you called it an apple right?  Even if society says its cooler to be an orange.  

I'll have to ask some of my Thai friends about this and see what they have to say.

Hallelujah!

So I joined this big choir called the Bangkok Combined Choir.  

Most of the members are Thai but some are Farangs.  

We are going to perform The Messiah in December.  

I'm just happy to be singing anything!  

The director speaks perfect English, so I understand what's going on.  

That was a nice suprise, I have grown so accustomed to being in a constant state of confusion. 

Teaching rots your brain.

Yesterday, after running around frantically trying to prepare materials for class, I rushed up to the door to my office, stopping to set all of my stuff down so that I could search through my purse and find the key.

I couldn't find it, and panicked when I realized I had left it in the office.

I tried the knob and sighed with relief when it turned.

Then, I realized, I don't have a key to the office.  There is no key to the office.  They don't ever lock the office.  

I am officially losing my mind.

Ice cream sandwich?

Thailand has managed to retain its unique cultural flare despite outside influences.  Even when a non-Thai element is embraced by the Thais, they make it their own.

Example:  You can walk down any street and find a vendor selling "ice-cream sandwiches".  

But probably not in the way that you are thinking.  

From Italy, we have ice cream, from Portugal, we have sweet bread.  

The obvious combination: ice cream sandwich!

Mmmmmmm!

The Land of Smiles

The other day, we were picked up in a tuk-tuk by a driver who was wearing a shirt that said, in large print, "f*#! you Round-Eye!  (his shirt was uncensored)

Nice.

Young love

In P5, we're learning about comparative and superlative adjectives.  I decided to have them write a sentence and draw a picture, then read their sentence to the class.  

Most students wrote things like, "Bam is taller than Om," or, "This car is faster than that car."

Then, there was Gam.

Gam is a nice kid.  He's very quiet in class, so I figured he was shy.

My tutoree, Na, recently informed me that Gam is in love with Noon, one of the smartest girls in the class.

When everyone was finished drawing, I went around the room and had the kids read their sentences.

Everyone sitting around Gam seemed really excited about his sentence.  He stood up, took a breath, and read, "Noon is the most beautiful girl in the world."

The classroom erupted into cheers as Noon held her paper over her face.

Gam just grinned from ear to ear.

Smooth.

English Camp...out

In May, when we started work, we were informed that we would be responsible for planning "English Camp", which is a day of activities meant to inspire the P5 students to become more English Proficient.

I can safely say that we were all horrified and disgusted at the prospect of planning and implementing such an event.  

The plot thickened when we discovered that we were also expected to include all 120 students in a two-hour long talent show, and that we would also be performing a little number to welcome the students in the morning.

True to the Thai way, we were given virtually no explicit instructions on how to perform this daring feat.  The planning process included several utterly befuddling meetings with the Thai teachers.  

Finally, we came up with a  firm idea of what we would do and how we would get there.  

In the months leading up to English Camp, we brought procrastination to a whole new level.   

We lacked inspiration.

Almost daily,  Simone would look up from her work and say, "you guys, have I mentioned that I hate English Camp?"

But we trudged on, pulled it together, and somehow arrived on Saturday morning, fully prepared to face disaster.

We had decided on performing a rap for our introduction.  I use the term "we" loosely, as I was talking on the phone when this decision was made, and my objections were not taken into consideration.

The rap went surprisingly well, I'll bet you didn't know that I can flow.

Our theme was "An American Campout", and the six stations we set up were all pretty damn awesome.  My station was a campfire singalong, complete with a very lifelike faux campfire constructed by yours truly.  

The other stations: Making Dirt n' worms(the snack), Scavenger Hunt, First Aide, Tent Building, and Fishing.  

A "sidenote" about Dirt n' Worms:  Jello Instant pudding is not sold in Thailand.  So Lauren, with some help from us, had to make 120 servings of chocolate pudding from scratch, in tropical heat.  It was hard work, but it was DELICIOUS.

I spent the day doing what I do best, singing and acting the fool.  The kids' favorite song ended up being Tooty Ta, which, if you are not familiar, is a delightfully entertaining number.  Remind me to teach you.

The morning passed without any major glitches.  I even had fun.   

But, our biggest challenge was yet to come.  Giving all 120 kids speaking parts in the performance had proven to be a logistical nightmare.  We were terrified that the afternoon would be catastrophic.

 We planned to have groups of ten kids perform alternating skits and songs.  The three winning groups would compete in "Camping Jeopardy".  

Here is how I imagined "Camping Jeopardy" would play out:

"Name two parts of a fish"

silence

"How about one part of a fish?"

silence

"How about just say, fish?"

silence

Luckily, I was wrong.  The kids did a great job with the skits and songs, and they were able to answer most of the questions correctly.  

Sunday was spent recuperating.  I woke up sore, its amazing what wildly jumping about singing "The Banana Chant" all day long will do to your body.

All day today at school, students came up to me, commenting on how much fun they had at English Camp and singing different songs I had taught them.  

One student said, "Teecha, I want English camp to be every week!"

I am sure that all of the color drained out of my face.

Bubbles

I have been volunteering on Saturdays at a Refugee Center in Bangkok.  The Center provides training and classes, financial aide, and medical services for refugees.  

The Saturday program includes Adult English classes, and organized games or activities for the kids.  Sometimes its the only time the kids are allowed to go outside of their homes, as their families are illegally in the country and must hide to avoid the authorities.

This Saturday was Water Day for the kids.  First, we gave the kids a bucket of soapy water for bubbles and some bubble wands.  You would have thought it was raining candy.  Four cement walls, nothing but cement, a bucket of soapy water, and some bubble wands made from paper clips.  Those kids were so excited about the bubbles.  About forty kids ranging in ages from about two to thirteen were running around shrieking with joy, blowing and popping bubbles.  I'll never forget their smiles and laughter.  It was a beautiful sight.

Kanchanaburi

This weekend we were invited to go to the Principal's estate in Kanchanaburi.  It was a school trip, so we were all a bit skeptical about going.  

Usually, the school drives us around in big vans, but when we departed for the trip we were instructed to board a really cushy tour bus.  The drivers loaded our bags into the van and we didn't have to carry a single thing for the rest of the trip.  Spoiled!  

We arrived at the estate, and discovered that yes, estate is an appropriate word. The extensive grounds were lush with tropical greenery, fruit trees, and exquisite orchids.  

Part of the house we stayed in

The traditional Thai house that the boys stayed in.

Part of the grounds

The View from the Yard

We were served a scrumptious traditional Thai meal sitting under the stars.

The next day we embarked for Erawan National Park where we visited the waterfall again and I was brave enough to try the rock slide!  It was so fun!

Then we rode elephants.  The "Elephant Farm" we visited seemed to treat the animals well at first.  The area was tropical and the elephants roamed free amongst the trees, no chains.  Then after the rides, we watched a man force a baby elephant to perform tricks by stabbing it with a pin.  That was when I noticed the big hooks that the mahouts carried, hidden in their folds of clothing.  It was really upsetting, quite the tourist trap.  One elephant had a big hole in its ear, no doubt from one of the hooks.  The elephants were so sweet, they had beautiful big brown eyes.  Asian elephants are very docile and easily trained.  It was so sad to see them being mistreated, and I felt really really bad that I was contributing to this abuse.  I definitely will not be participating in any other activities involving animals.  We also saw a baby tiger and a baby lion, chained to a table with heavy links.  the chains could not have been more than a foot long.  People were paying 100 baht to take pictures with them.  Ugh.  HORRIBLE.

We rode this cool old train down the "death rail" that POWs built during WWII.  If you have seen the movie "The Bridge Over the River Kwai", its about this railway.  We also saw the actual bridge, well actually a remake because they blew up the real bridge for the movie.

On Sunday we went to a private island on a boat and were served lunch on a raft floating down the River Kwai.  Quite an experience!  Wonderful weekend!

Shhhhh

The english word quiet, a useful word for teachers, cannot be used in Thai classrooms because it sounds very much like the Thai word for cow.  For some reason the students find this hilarious and if you say "quiet please" you just cause an eruption of laughter and this has no effect whatsoever on the volume of said students.

A few weeks ago, some saintly Thai teacher let us in on a secret, the Thai word for "no talking", which sounds something like, "nee-EB".  One utterance of this word and the class quiets down a little, while several of the students correct my pronunciation, or just outright make fun of it.  

Today, I watched as my Thai co-teacher stood in exasperation while the students screamed, stood on furniture, hit each other, and threw things.  I picked up the microphone and said, in my very best Thai accent, "nee-EB!"  

Silence.

And then, the students broke out into applause, cheering and clapping.  I finally said it right.

:)

Dancing Machine

A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in the back of one of the Prathom 5 classrooms while a Thai teacher was teaching class.  About halfway through the class, a student got up, walked deliberately to the front of the room, and started dancing.  I'm not sure what to call the type of dancing, there were definitely some Michael Jackson moves thrown in(all the kids here moonwalk).  

The teacher decided to ignore the dancing, which spurred the boy on.  He danced more wildly by the second, arms waving and feet shuffling.  The rest of the class(and I must admit myself) were thoroughly amused.  The teacher didn't seem to want to back down, so this continued, and I am NOT exaggerating, for about twenty five more minutes, until the end of class.

Just another day as a teacher in Thailand.

Now I call the student Michael Jackson, which always elicits big smiles.

Kanchanaburi

I will let the picture tell its own story here, this is where we went last weekend.  

Erawan National Park, Erawan Falls:

The Yellow Knife

I have toast for breakfast every day, (thanks mom).  

If you know me at all, you know that I am a space cadet.  I do things like lock my keys in my car, leave the groceries at the checkout, and I have even forgotten to turn in a finished paper during class, many times.  

Our toaster in the office burns your toast unless you stand over it and watch it.  The timer doesn't work, so unless you're right there waiting, you're going to get black toast.  And guess what? I ALWAYS forget to wait.  So for the first few weeks of school, it became well known that Erin is a burner of toast and must be watched.  Which is nice because now I never burn my toast, someone always says, "Erin, toast!"  And I run across the room.  

My point is that everyone, including the Thai teachers, knows that I eat toast every morning.  

I use a knife to spread the peanut butter on the toast.  I wash the knife and put it away.  This is what happens every day.

But every day I would come into the office in the morning and there would be one, or two, or even three dirty knives on my desk.  At first I thought, "huh, that's weird, I thought I washed that."  But, knowing that I am forgetful, I would just wash the knife/knives and go on with my business.  

Pretty soon though, I realized that no, I definitely didn't use three knives yesterday, this is weird.  So, being my paranoid self, I came up with the theory that the Thai teachers would find the dirty knives in the clean pile, and assume that I was the one who hadn't washed them properly because I am the one who is known for eating toast, (lots of other people eat toast in the office, but I'm the only toast celebrity).  

So I would run to the sink and scrub the knives with extra soap, always cursing to the mysterious person who really wasn't washing the knives properly.  I went around thinking that the Thai teachers all thought that I was a slob who can't wash her own dishes properly.  I never said anything to my colleagues though, because there was this little doubt in my mind, "I am forgetful after all.  Maybe I did leave those on my desk..."

So this morning, I decided I was going to get to the bottom of this.  I used the sole yellow knife to peanut butter my toast, and then washed it, repeating to myself "I'm washing the yellow knife, I'm washing the yellow knife..." so that I would remember for sure.

At three forty-five, I started cleaning off my desk in preparation to leave, and I looked down.  There, lying on my desk, was a dirty yellow knife!!!  NO!

I started yelling about the creepy knife and Amy, who sits next to me, burst into hysterics.  Apparently, she has been putting dirty dishes on my desk for the last two months, and I have never noticed.  All this time I've been thinking that all the Thai teachers hate me and have this whole knife conspiracy thing going on, and really it was just Amy, who didn't feel like washing her dishes and knew I was too spacey to notice.  

I thought back to all the times I found dishes on my desk and thought, "huh, what did I eat?"  

Bwahahahahahahaha!  We all had a good laugh.  And then I began plotting my revenge...

Like a Lion

Quote from one of my fifth graders the other day:  "Teacha, your hair is so beautiful, like a lion!"

Hahaha!  Stupid humidity.

Perhentian Island (sorry so long!)

Friday night, Simone, Ryan, and I, backpack-encumbered and eager to start our next adventure, merrily walked down our Soi and onto the main road where we met Star and hailed a cab to take us to the airport.  I am getting pretty good at hailing cabs, if  I may say. 

The airport is made mostly of glass, so it is very shiny.  Star calls it the Shiny airport.  Simone and I had ordered delivery, vegetarian Italian food, to mark the special occasion, but I found a coconut at the airport and sipped it blissfully.

The air conditioning in the airport was so cold it was almost unbearable, and since I was wearing my usual Thailand ensemble of shorts and tank top with flip flops, it was a pretty miserable wait.  Thank goodness we brought our sarongs and used them as blankets. 

Our flight to Kuala Lumpur was perfect, and I was only a little bit scared (thank you valium). 

We landed in Kuala Lumpur at about 3am, and had about a 3 hour layover.  We were so tired, so we all fell asleep sitting at McDonalds, where I had just eaten not one, but two hash browns and two pancakes with syrup, both of which cannot be found in Thailand.  We wished each other a groggy Happy Fourth of July as we boarded our flight to Kota Behru.  In Kota Behru we were immediately greeted by a ticket agent who sold us round trip boat tickets and a taxi ride to the dock, which was about 45 minutes away.  The nice thing about Malaysia, we noticed, is that all the prices are fixed, so you don’t have to worry that you are being swindled (because even if you are there is nothing that can be done).  The swiftwater boat ride was exhilarating, and I was relieved that the driver asked us to put on Life Vests.  As we flew across the South China Sea, the water got more and more blue, and it was so clear we could see the sea floor from the boat. 

As the island came into view, I kept telling myself it wasn’t real.  The azure skies float above jungle swathed hills as white parrots dart in and out of the greenery.  Below, palm trees mingle on the ivory sanded shore, where the shimmering turquoise water lounges serenely.   Paradise.

We hadn’t yet reserved accommodations, a little worrisome on a holiday weekend, but we lucked out, as some girls were just checking out of a bungalow at one of the best places on the island (for the price).  The bungalows were situated among tropical greenery and ours had a little porch, perfect.  The floors were plywood and there was a creature that lived in our crawlspace and scared me at night, but we really didn’t care where we slept.  The electricity turned off between 7-10am and 4-7pm, which was tricky but workable.

After a quick dip in the warm waters, where we saw many little tropcial striped white fish,  we all crashed until dinner. 

The next day we hopped on a small boat to go snorkeling with our Malay guide.  We thought it would be just the four of us, but then we drove a little down the beach and picked up two more passengers, Sian and Richard, a British couple who had been traveling for about three months and planned to continue until their money ran out.  They were delightful and hilarious, we couldn’t have asked for more lovely company.  I was super nervous about snorkeling after reading so many Shark Attack stories in Reader’s Digest as a kid, but Sian was so sweet and she and Richard made sure to point out all of the cool things they saw. 

 Ryan, me, Simone, Star, Sian, and Richard

The tour included stops at turtle point, shark point, and the coral garden.  I promptly decided that I would not be getting out of the boat at shark point. 

Since I was a little scared, I was afraid to follow my friends too far from the boat, so I soon found myself cautiously swimming around by myself.  I was mostly nervous about jellyfish, because they are hard to see and I was afraid they would kill me, or at least hurt me!  As I was looking around, a large flash of white caught my eye.  I looked over and saw a shark almost as long as me, just a couple feet away from where my legs dangled.  I thought when we were talking about seeing sharks that they would be little sharks!  Terrified, I looked up to see if anyone else was around.  I didn’t want to swim away because I’ve heard that splashing around attracts them, and I was afraid to yell shark because I was worried the shark would hear me! I know, not logical at all, but my brain wasn’t working well because I was so scared!  I saw Simone and swam carefully over to her.  I did not want to look back and see where the shark was.  “Shark I saw a shark!”  I half whispered to her. 

“Really?  Where?” She actually wanted to see sharks.

“I don’t know! I don’t want to look!”

I was afraid to swim back to the boat by myself so I just followed Simone around, never looking back under the water for fear of seeing the shark again. 

Apparantly, black fin reef sharks are harmless, information that would have been best shared before I got out of the boat.

After my brush with death, we went back to turtle point, where we saw a huge turtle and swam right up to it!  It was an amazing experience to look right into his beautiful brown eyes.  I can’t even put into words how exhilarating this was.  We were close enough to touch him, and swam along with him for a while before he dove back into the depths.

Dinner is at 7, and then they play a movie while you eat.  We met up with the British couple, and watched My Best Friend’s Girl with Dane Cook, which was still pretty amusing the second time.  We had a try of Orang utan, a kind of rum that can only be found on Perhentian Island, its really just moonshine.  It was a crazy night.

The next day we were all exhausted from the night’s festivities and we just lay on the beach and relaxed.  Poor Ryan got horribly sunburned from our snorkeling expedition and was very ill all day.

At breakfast I met a man named Yusef, who had lived on the island for fourteen years.  He has dreds down to his waist and his skin was almost black from the sun.  Yusef offered to take us out snorkeling the next day, and as we chatted it became clear that he was an expert would make an awesome guide.  I told him I was afraid of the sharks and he said he would hold my hand.  haha!  I also asked him about the jellyfish and barracudas, and he assured me that everything is relatively harmless.  He even touches the jellyfish!

We took a walk through the jungle to get to the other side of the island and watch the sunset.  I saw lots of bats, and a black and yellow spider as big as my hand!  No joke!

Ysuef took us snorkeling the next day, and it was one of the best days of my life.  We swam with TWO giant sea turtles, and I swam with sharks!!! Big ones!  Yusef really did hold my hand the whole time!  haha!  And he really did touch a jellyfish!  My favorite fish were the parrotfish, they were brilliantly colored pink, yellow, turquoise, purple, and green fish.  Soooo beautiful.

Yusef, the best snorkeling guide ever, on his boat

Notice the pirate flag! :)

I had Maggie Mee  for lunch, a yummy vegetable soup with Ramen noodles.  Mmmmmm!

The last night on the island was a raucous one, and ended with a midnight swim under the full moon, or at least it looked full.  

In the morning, we enjoyed an island sunrise, as our boat to the mainlaind left quite early.  A perfect, absolutely perfect vacation. 

Palace Friends

Here are some photos of the Palace animals, I can't seem to get a Monitor Lizard to stand still long enough to get a shot of one.  They are huge, and carnivorous, so I can't get too close.  Simone and I stop and pet the cows and talk to the water buffalo every day, much to the annoyance of our colleagues, who are impatient to get home.  

It's hard to tell, but those are water buffalo.

Mama cow!

My apartment

Everyone has been asking me about the accommodations, so:

View from my balcony

Wai Khru

We attended the annual Wai Khru ceremony on Thursday.  Wai Khru is a day on which students present their teachers with gifts and then Wai them to show respect.  The music was really interesting, I wish I could have taken a picture of the instruments.  The monks and elder teachers sat up on the stage at a special table, and we sat in front of the hall.  Each child in the whole school came up and presented a gift and Waied the teachers.  It was a beautiful ceremony and the students, who normally act insane, took it very seriously.  

Mangosteen, my favorite fruit.

Go Veggie!

Apparently, the cute little cows that I pet everyday on my to the front gate are cloned cows.  No joke!  Huh.  Sorry, its not a great picture.  We were in a hurry to leave because it was Friday.

A day in the life of an English Teacher at C------------ School

Every morning at 7am, twelve American English teachers pile into a van that takes us to school.  We usually arrive at 7:30 and eat breakfast in the office.  There is a deli on campus which sells the kind of food you would find at a 7eleven, and a bakery with all sorts of baked goods.  I usually have raisin toast or cereal with soy milk.

At 8am, we run a program called Reading Rainbow, which is designed to encourage the kids to read in English.  This is our favorite part of the day because we get to work one on one with the kids.  They choose a book and read it to us and then we ask them questions about the book.  If they answer correctly, they get a stamp on their Reading Rainbow card, which can be redeemed for prizes.  I have suggested we get a lifesize cutout of LaVar Burton but no one seems to find this amusing.

Classes begin at 9:20 am.

The English  curriculum at C--------- School is mainly worksheets.  While we were told that we would be able to develop our own lesson plans, the worksheets are mandatory.

There are three Prathom 5 (fifth grade) classrooms, each with about forty students.  Instead of the students moving around, the teachers come to them, unless they have a science lab or P.E. class or something.  

The P5 classrooms are on the fourth(top) floor.  All of the walkways are outdoors, and there are no elevators.

The classes are split into two groups on Wednesday and Thursday, so I have to take my group elsewhere, to the top floor of another building.  Which means that three times per day I have to walk up to the top floor, gather my students. Usually, when I go to get the students, they are very late because their homeroom teachers do not follow the schedule(no one really does).  I then attempt to get them to walk with some semblance of propriety (or at least without screaming and shoving) across campus to another building, and up the stairs to the top floor.   The students remove their shoes outside the classroom, a raucous and chaotic affair, and then I spend about ten minutes getting the students settled in and less noisy(quiet just isn't an option).  

Since there are only fifty minutes in a class period, this leaves me with about 20 minutes left to "teach" which really just entails me frantically passing out worksheets and prodding the students to stop screaming and fake sword fighting and finish their work.  

When the last student is finally finished, I run back over to the first room and start this process all over again.

When I finally make it to lunch I flop down into my seat with the six other disheveled and haggard looking english teachers, and we just all look at each other with expressions of horror and bewilderment.  

After lunch, we start to grade the massive, never ending stacks of worksheets, which are never recorded into a grade book, and which the students therefore do not put any effort into.  

By the time I look up from grading its four o'clock and time to go.  

We walk single file through the endless line of cars out to the entrance of the palace.  There are these beautiful red Brahman cows that live on the grounds, and we pass them on our way out.  I always say hi and they come over to get pet.  There are two calves and a mama cow.  They are soooo cuute!  At the gate, we walk past the guards with giant guns and one friendly guard hails us a cab, or we walk home, which takes about a half hour.

The rest of the school curriculum seems really amazing.  The kids learn the basics, Thai, math, reading, science, history, and they also learn cooking, art, flower arranging, meditation, martial arts, ping pong, swimming, computers, television production, dance, sign language, Chinese, and of course English.  

For some reason though, they really like these English worksheets and refuse to stray.  It is quite frustrating, and I feel so guilty that my students never do anything but worksheets.  Ugh.

Getting around in Bangkok

Old School Tuk Tuk

There are several ways to get around in Bangkok.

1.  Walking

Walking is one of my favorite ways to get around.  While it is hot here, it isn't bad as long as you stay in motion.  I think I am getting used to the heat; at first, my shirt would be soaked within two minutes of going outside, but now it takes five.  

There are a couple drawbacks to walking.  First, there is always traffic in Bangkok.  Rush hour lasts from about 7am till about 3am, and this includes foot traffic.  The sidewalks are often very narrow because of all the street vendors, and no one in Bangkok is ever in a hurry.  When making an appointment, you are often asked, "is that Thai time?", meaning, "can I get there within an hour and still be considered punctual?"  This is neither an exaggeration, nor an insult, just something that takes getting used to.  Hence, it often takes forever to walk anywhere.

Also, directions are very difficult to follow here.  Most of the signs are in Thai, and since Thai is a tonal language, it is very hard to say where you are trying to go in Thai and have someone understand you and help you.  Also, the American custom of giving someone directions even though you have no idea how to get to where they are trying to go is, apparently, a Thai custom as well.  Humanity is united across cultures by... lying.

Further, if you write down directions, they are difficult to follow anyway because, if you are lucky enough to find and read the street sign, it is hard to tell where it is pointing, as there are often six roads all leading from different angles into one intersection.

Also, because english doesn't translate easily, when things are written in english, you may see it spelled six different ways in six different locations, which leaves you wondering, "is it the same street or a different one with a similar name?"

Also, any time you walk in Bangkok, you are taking your life into your own hands.  Drivers are pretty reckless, and are not mindful of pedestrians.  Motorcycles dart in and out of lanes, sometimes going against traffic, and even drive on the sidewalk.  You can't ever stop paying attention.

2.  Sky Train

The sky train, or BTS, is very convenient because the station is pretty close to our apartments, and goes to most major stops you would want to get to.  It is the best way to travel if you are traveling alone, for both safety and monetary reasons.  The ticket price is based on how far you are going, just like BART, usually between 20 and 30 baht.  (less than $1US).  The train comes like clockwork every five minutes, which is very convenient.  

The only drawback is that you go during rush hour(remember that is between 7am and 3am), be prepared to let go of any need for personal space you may have.  You will be crammed into a train(thankfully air conditioned), and just when you don't think there is any more room, the doors open and more people pile in.  This goes for any crowded situation.  Thais do not seem to have any personal space rules, and when you are walking down the street, you will often find someone walking so close behind you that you can feel their breath on the back of your neck, even if there is plenty of space to walk elsewhere.  Elevators are also quite the feat of smooshing.  

The scary part is when you have to exit the train(or elevator).  The protocol here seems to be this: push.  a lot.  You better hurry too, before the doors close.  No one who gets pushed even bats an eye.  If you say sorry, they look at you like you're nuts.  So just keep going, nobody cares.

The Sky Train

3.  Tuk Tuks

Tuk Tuks, pronounced took tooks, are three wheeled motorized taxis.  They are open air, so no air conditioning, and unmetered, so you have to arrange a price before you leave.  If you wait till you get to your destination you will probably find yourself, as a westerner, paying an astronomical price.  Tuk Tuks are faster than cabs because they are smaller and can dart in and out of traffic.  If you are in a hurry , this is the way to go.  I usually avoid them because traffic in Bangkok is terrifying, and the tuk tuk drivers are definitely offensive drivers, trying to make the most of their time.  But you have to ride in a Tuk Tuk at least once if you come to Bangkok.  Its fun in a scary sort of way.

The girls from Baylor University piled into a tuk tuk

4.  Motorcycle taxis

Avoid at all costs.  Very fast, no helmet, very dangerous.  And you have to straddle a stranger or sit sideways, both not an option in my opinion.  A few years ago, a teacher from Chitralada got her skirt caught in the wheel... not pretty.

5.  Taxis

This is my favorite way to get around if I'm with someone.  It is more cost effective than the sky train if the fare is split, and air conditioned.  

If you get into a taxi, you have to make sure they put on the meter, otherwise you'll find yourself bargaining at the end of your ride, and probably pay too much.  With the meter it costs less than 100 baht ($3US) to get just about anywhere in town.  Usually closer to 60 baht.  

The traffic is always a bear, and you have to watch and make sure the driver is going the right direction(if you can tell), because some like to drive in circles for a while to get a better fare.  Most taxi drivers  I have encountered, however, are friendly, helpful, and honest.

The nice thing about taxis is that they are everywhere, so if you get lost, you can just jump in a taxi.  The first thing I learned to say in Thai is Ratchaprarop Soi 14( La Cha Prah Rope Soi Sip See), so I can always get home!

Riding in a cab, however, can be dangerous.  Simone, Star, and I went to a game night the other night.  Star decided to take the Sky Train home, and Simone and I hopped into a cab.  The driver was a woman, a rarity in Bangkok, and very friendly.  We drove in traffic a little ways, and suddenly, the door on Simone's side opened.  The driver looked back and screamed and Simone jumped almost into my lap.  We were sure all of our worst nightmares were coming true.  It was just Star, who had seen our cab walking and decided to scare us.  She laughed for ten minutes.  But as we related the story to some other people, we started hearing some scary stories about cab incidents people had experienced, and we all decided never to ride in a cab alone, unless absolutely necessary.  A good tip is to always sit right behind the driver, because its harder for him to grab you, and never ever sit in the front seat!

Durian

is not good, Nana, you were right.  Its like onion pudding... that smells bad.

We made Ryan try it too, he'll eat anything.  Its unanimous, we don't like it.

Do you?

Sorry Mama...

Koh Samet

This weekend we went to the tiny island of Koh Samet.  Koh Samet is a National Park located South of Bangkok.  There were 21 people in our group, four from Sacramento, and seventeen from Baylor.  

We met up at Victory Monument and caught a couple vans do the dock in Bahn Poh, about a three hour drive.  We got to the dock around eight, planning on taking a speedboat, because the last ferry is at six.  

At first, the driver told us that the waves were too big, but he suddenly decided it was safe when he realized there were 21 of us.  For 100 baht each (about 3 dollars) he let us get into the boat, no lifevests.  

I kept trying to figure out whether I would drown or be eaten first.  The waves were huge and the ride was exhilarating and horrifying at the same time.  

There was no dock on the beach, we just stepped into the warm, clear water and waded to shore.  The beach was paradise, lit by moonlight and candlelight, and strewn with pillows and mats for lounging and low tables for food and drink.  I saw stars for the first time in almost a month.  

We found a bungalow for 1600 Baht for the five of us, so it ended up being about $10US per person.  Not bad.  But next time we know better, there were nicer places for less money.

Ryan found a giant land snail and licked it.  I don't know why.

We spent the night laughing and playing in the surf in our underwear, dancing, watching firedancers, eating and drinking.  I laid on the sand and watched the moon and stars, listening to the waves.  It was magical.

I spent Saturday reading in a chaise lounge on the beach.  I'm reading "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius", by Dave? Eggars, and I must say that thusfar the title is accurate.  

Ryan and A rented motorcycles ($10US for 24 hours).  Apparently, you can drive around the entire island in an hour.  I was too scared to drive but I did go on a ride with Ryan and screamed most of the(whole) time.  

We ate dinner together and then found a place to dance.  It would have been more fun if we hadn't all gotten horribly sunburned.  Even sitting under an umbrella with sunscreen wasn't enough.  Life so near the equator is brutal.

I got up early the next morning so that I could see the beach without any people on it.  Koh Samet isn't crowded at all, but there were usually about forty people on the beach during the day.  It was breathtakingly beautiful and so peaceful.  I didn't see the sunrise, I'm going to try next time...

We got back at about 6 on Sunday and after rubbing aloe gel everywhere, I called and ordered food from this amazing vegetarian Italian place.  We can have food delivered from about 50 different restaurants, but on my salary I have to be careful how often I do that...  it was so worth it after such a long weekend.

Everyone says Bangkok is not Thailand, and I can see why.  Even the soi dogs seemed friendlier and happier in Koh Samet, and I finally understand why Thailand is called the Land of Smiles.  

Getting up this morning for work = LAME

Good day at school though.

The fruit in Thailand

The fruit here is is amazing.  The mangos are always perfectly ripe.  Even the bananas are more flavorful and there are tons of different kinds of bananas.  Mangosteens are purple fruit with this indescribably delicious white fruit inside.  Lychee and rambutan are some of my favorites.  Here is what rambutan looks like:  

And when you open it:

Wild huh?

I am not big on dragon fruit, and I have yet to try the durian.  The smell is intimidating, though I hear its delicious.  

Don't get me started on the pineapple, seriously.

Bangkok Protocol Item 1

Here is the protocol for coming home after work in Bangkok:

1.  Walk up the stairs in non air conditioned building in order to avoid the oppressive heat of standing in a tiny elevator with sixty seven other people.

2. Stand sweating at door trying to dig key out of the very bottom of your bag because you're too sleepy and impatient in the morning to put it somewhere more convenient.

3.  Walk through door and immediately(before even closing it all the way) start stripping off clothing while walking toward air conditioning switch.  Turn on AC and also the fan you have in your room.

4.  Position fan 1 foot away from you and lie naked on your bed until you stop feeling like you have been walking on the surface of the sun.

5.  Shower.

Teaching English in Thailand is HARD!  There are almost forty kids in our Prathom 2(second grade) speaking class!  

The kids are wild and loud, and Simone and I can hardly reel them in for long enough to get them to sing their ABCs.

They can't understand most of what we say, so coming up with things to do with them is difficult.  We are supposed to play games and sing and talk in that class, but the kids can't understand what we want them to do!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaah!  

The class seems to go on forevvvvver.  

California Wow

California Wow is the name of the gym that Amy, Star, and I joined yesterday(Amy and Star are two of my teaching colleagues).  It is on the top of a mall and it is the most technologically advanced gym I have ever seen.  I don't need my gym to be technologically advanced, I just need it to be accessible, but California Wow is like the Jetson's gym.

So you know how when you're in a class at the gym and you're trying to keep up but you have no idea how to get your leg to do that while breathing and stretching at the same time?  Try doing it when the instructor is speaking in a different language!  Hahahahaha!  It occurred to me about 30 seconds before the class began that it was going to be conducted in Thai.  We got a kick out of trying to follow the guy's frantic gestures.

Good times.

Sleeeeepy.

School Days

Today was the first day of school.  The school and classroom environment is sooo different from what I am familiar with in US public schools.

In the US, teachers spend half their time managing behavior: "sit still", "be quiet", "i'll turn your card", "I'll call your parents", and on and on and on.  It definitely has an affect on efficiency, how can you teach if you're spending all of your time trying to control your students???

At C--------- School, the children act like... well children!  They are loud and grab eachother and don't walk in straight lines.  They jump up and down in their desks and chat amongst themselves in class.  The teachers just ignore this behavior, and, get this, use a microphone to counter the loudness of the children.  But you know what?  As soon as there is work to be done, its business time, and without being reminded, the children quietly stay on task. 

There is something to be said for allowing a little chaos, it doesn't seem to heed productivity at all.  On the contrary, the children seem more willing to do their work, school is fun and relaxed.

The teachers are equally laid-back when it comes to planning.  Classes, trips, and lesson plans change on a minute-by-minute basis, and nobody seems to mind or worry about it.  Its a great environment to work in, once one gets used to never knowing what will happen next.